i am in pain
because of before
because it is not yet

time
the most precious gift

there is no mistake
that can not be what was come from
that will not become next
there is no moment
that is not but blank
that is not both mistake
and moment of entry into the next

they are but moments
painful as they sometimes are

wherein is understanding
wherein is forgiveness
to forgive myself

the moment now
waits its determination later
by the discovery later
be it action or insight
we are what we are trying to be

it is
in the next moment
and the next
and the next

i am in pain
because of before
because of what is not yet
but even just awareness of this
could recogogize this moving towards

what is paid along the way
what is hurt along the way
is truly
worth the cost
nothing
is not built from ashes

it can be made
better
the world
can not it

it can be made
better
this life
can it not

for these
things
of which I see
these things
of which I know
that give me hope
that drive me on

it can be made
better
the world
this life
can not it

for I cannot stop
though might there be
what cannot

it is quiet here
and it is safe
this is the place
I want to be
this is the place
I need to be

in here I can be me
in here
I am safe
and it is here
it is the most me
It is possible to be

but where is this place
where it is quiet here
where is this place
that it is safe

there I will go
there I must be

but where is this place
where it is quiet here
where is this place
that it is safe

this is the place I will go
where is this place
that I must be

to hear words
which cannot be spoken

and see the image
that can’t be formed

to dream what might
yet stays in sleep

to know these things
beyond my self
that are yet all
within me still

to rise from quiet
what yet still fears
to have remain
what cannot stay

to be what known
in this
that is not

it is in here
these words are said

there is a focusing on the pain
and in it
there is no discovery

there is a focusing
on discovery
and in it
the pain might be belittled

neither is the one
if either is doubted

both are true
both tell the story
if the whole story be told

if the whole story be told
must not there be respect
in equal measure
for both

I just got better
at something I long ago
wanted no more to be
a problem

I don’t want
to be getting better
at the things
I don’t want to still need
to be getting better at

but the work
is the work
that is

though I do long
to be working from
some higher level where
I’d hope to someday be

the work
is not just
the work itself
but acceptance
of what is the work
I need to do

and the progress is not
from where I hope to be
but from where
I am coming from

it is progress not
from where I would be
it is progress
from where I am

I am sitting at the light
thinking of the higher road
which I do desire so much
where I can forgive
where I can be calm
where I can accept
and understand

It is the person
I want to be
the person
I truly want to be

I am sitting at the light
thinking of the higher road
when it turns green
the light
and in a moment
I start to go

when suddenly
from nowhere
it bashes through the light
that has been red for too long
this meanness of the world
that ought not be this way
I am provoked

and I battle
between the higher road
and the me that is now

in this moment
I strike out
for against this offense
it is just

or maybe not
maybe it would hurt me more
and change the world less

whatever change
might in fact
it be deserved

it is a battle
to the higher road
that I do desire so much
to the person
that I truly want to be
that I am truly trying so hard to be
and sometimes I can
and sometimes I am
and sometimes

tomorrow I will be sitting at the light
thinking of the higher road
which I do desire so much
and I will be provoked

I am going along
being myself
when I begin to doubt
or fear
or start to criticize

and the me
that is most me
becomes lost
in the noise
in the doubt
in the hurt

and the world is stopped
until I regain
until I remember
until I return

between fear and self
I run
and look for me

chipped away at
cut and bruised
beaten and laughed at

all these killings
over all these times
of all I know
of all I feel
of the vision I see

while I do not even see
it happening
or see the killing it does
the chipping away at me

trying to stand
as my feet hover over this maelstrom
this void
wherein is left nothing to stand
upon
for all these cracks
in all I knew

it stops some suddenly
and I hang on some ledge
waiting to fall again
and it continues so

having endured these trials
having passed these storms
what remains is stronger
or maybe not
but it is so different
I am so different
or am I
or should I be
or can I be

it is all so different
in everything
in every way
but the vision I see

this path of mine
that seems to take me round
and yet again
in this self same place

while yet do I long
to break free of its hold
to see of that which is other

for I dream the dream
beyond this
and feel the hopes
that would be born

what holds this here
can I but not step away
can I but not
break free

why these steps in front
return to that place
that was behind

this path of mine
that yet goes round
to this self same place
again

there is a path
that leads around
there is a path
that leads ahead

or maybe
there is just a path
that leads
to where I will go