But The Vision I See

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chipped away at
cut and bruised
beaten and laughed at

all these killings
over all these times
of all I know
of all I feel
of the vision I see

while I do not even see
it happening
or see the killing it does
the chipping away at me

trying to stand
as my feet hover over this maelstrom
this void
wherein is left nothing to stand
upon
for all these cracks
in all I knew

it stops some suddenly
and I hang on some ledge
waiting to fall again
and it continues so

having endured these trials
having passed these storms
what remains is stronger
or maybe not
but it is so different
I am so different
or am I
or should I be
or can I be

it is all so different
in everything
in every way
but the vision I see

To Where I Will Go

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this path of mine
that seems to take me round
and yet again
in this self same place

while yet do I long
to break free of its hold
to see of that which is other

for I dream the dream
beyond this
and feel the hopes
that would be born

what holds this here
can I but not step away
can I but not
break free

why these steps in front
return to that place
that was behind

this path of mine
that yet goes round
to this self same place
again

there is a path
that leads around
there is a path
that leads ahead

or maybe
there is just a path
that leads
to where I will go

Does Not Matter Does

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The world outside does not matter
the world outside does not matter

So I say to self
the world outside does not matter
inside what counts
inside to whom to listen to
the world knows not better than I

Years have I told self
years have I tried to listen
the world outside does not matter

When suddenly a small bit of world
says a thing nice
does a thing nice
And suddenly I surrender
The world outside does

And still I tell myself

Distant Fear

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On the distant horizon
fear fills the sky
for that which unknown

Unavoidably forced on
the horizon approached
nearer comes defining

The worst case
the best case
both

fear perhaps still
but nearer too
a next step

In the distance fear
nearer a fearful step
but a step
before comes another horizon

Unknown Time

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I am in time
I am of time
but I only know time

I am in time
I am of time
but I only feel now

so powerful
what I feel now
to give me joy
to give me pain

so weak
what I know of to come
the joy that might be
the pain that must surely end

in all time and of all time
while time only now
is what I feel

while what I know
needs be what I feel

More Than Is

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if there were yet eyes
would there still be sight

if there were yet sound
yet still could what be heard

if there were yet the want
is there still the step

with all that I might see
of all that is within
for all that I might find
would I still strength to look

with all the world could answer
will yet it to be asked
with all that could be known
what want is there to know

with all that could yet be
what will choose more than is

But What I Fear Most

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I keep pushing
against this world
that does not change
that will not learn

I keep pushing
against this world
and try to show it
and try to make it
understand

I try to move this world
I try to make it see

if it would only move
if it would only see
if I could only move this world

I try to push
I try to nudge
but it just goes on
and will not see

I try to move this world
but what I fear most
can I move me

Or Do I See

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all around is this world
so unknown to me
in which I have found
no place

from it
have I stood apart
thinking I saw
what is seen easily not

while always and constantly hearing
to fall between the lines
to see the same as do the rest
to abandon the clarity that remains to me

it changes not
this world around
nor does it change
the one I see

if the one remains
while it is the other I still see
which is it
and why is it I who ask
am I a fraud
or do I see

Blinded

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we are blinded by sight
and deadened by feel

in the moment we see
in the instant we touch
it is then we think we know
it is then we are misled

we see a life ahead
and the straight line
along which it lies

we feel a life imagined
and are convinced
these feelings will be

then when we live
this life that is
we find lines neither straight
nor feelings as expected

we are blinded by sight
and deadened by feel

while all the while
what is is waiting
to be seen
to be felt

A River Nearby

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It is a river that flows
of all that was not
and all that was unseen
and all that might have been

It is a river that rages
and burns in my eyes
and screams in my head
and ever releases me not
from memories of all that will ever be lost

It is a river that grows
ever stronger
that sees ever clearer
all those things that but I could take back

There is a river that grows
and will grow every on
of all that was missed
until I would see
the other river nearby
of all that was learned
and all that was instead