I just got better
at something I long ago
wanted no more to be
a problem

I don’t want
to be getting better
at the things
I don’t want to still need
to be getting better at

but the work
is the work
that is

though I do long
to be working from
some higher level where
I’d hope to someday be

the work
is not just
the work itself
but acceptance
of what is the work
I need to do

and the progress is not
from where I hope to be
but from where
I am coming from

it is progress not
from where I would be
it is progress
from where I am

I am sitting at the light
thinking of the higher road
which I do desire so much
where I can forgive
where I can be calm
where I can accept
and understand

It is the person
I want to be
the person
I truly want to be

I am sitting at the light
thinking of the higher road
when it turns green
the light
and in a moment
I start to go

when suddenly
from nowhere
it bashes through the light
that has been red for too long
this meanness of the world
that ought not be this way
I am provoked

and I battle
between the higher road
and the me that is now

in this moment
I strike out
for against this offense
it is just

or maybe not
maybe it would hurt me more
and change the world less

whatever change
might in fact
it be deserved

it is a battle
to the higher road
that I do desire so much
to the person
that I truly want to be
that I am truly trying so hard to be
and sometimes I can
and sometimes I am
and sometimes

tomorrow I will be sitting at the light
thinking of the higher road
which I do desire so much
and I will be provoked

I am going along
being myself
when I begin to doubt
or fear
or start to criticize

and the me
that is most me
becomes lost
in the noise
in the doubt
in the hurt

and the world is stopped
until I regain
until I remember
until I return

between fear and self
I run
and look for me

chipped away at
cut and bruised
beaten and laughed at

all these killings
over all these times
of all I know
of all I feel
of the vision I see

while I do not even see
it happening
or see the killing it does
the chipping away at me

trying to stand
as my feet hover over this maelstrom
this void
wherein is left nothing to stand
upon
for all these cracks
in all I knew

it stops some suddenly
and I hang on some ledge
waiting to fall again
and it continues so

having endured these trials
having passed these storms
what remains is stronger
or maybe not
but it is so different
I am so different
or am I
or should I be
or can I be

it is all so different
in everything
in every way
but the vision I see

this path of mine
that seems to take me round
and yet again
in this self same place

while yet do I long
to break free of its hold
to see of that which is other

for I dream the dream
beyond this
and feel the hopes
that would be born

what holds this here
can I but not step away
can I but not
break free

why these steps in front
return to that place
that was behind

this path of mine
that yet goes round
to this self same place
again

there is a path
that leads around
there is a path
that leads ahead

or maybe
there is just a path
that leads
to where I will go

The world outside does not matter
the world outside does not matter

So I say to self
the world outside does not matter
inside what counts
inside to whom to listen to
the world knows not better than I

Years have I told self
years have I tried to listen
the world outside does not matter

When suddenly a small bit of world
says a thing nice
does a thing nice
And suddenly I surrender
The world outside does

And still I tell myself

On the distant horizon
fear fills the sky
for that which unknown

Unavoidably forced on
the horizon approached
nearer comes defining

The worst case
the best case
both

fear perhaps still
but nearer too
a next step

In the distance fear
nearer a fearful step
but a step
before comes another horizon

I am in time
I am of time
but I only know time

I am in time
I am of time
but I only feel now

so powerful
what I feel now
to give me joy
to give me pain

so weak
what I know of to come
the joy that might be
the pain that must surely end

in all time and of all time
while time only now
is what I feel

while what I know
needs be what I feel

if there were yet eyes
would there still be sight

if there were yet sound
yet still could what be heard

if there were yet the want
is there still the step

with all that I might see
of all that is within
for all that I might find
would I still strength to look

with all the world could answer
will yet it to be asked
with all that could be known
what want is there to know

with all that could yet be
what will choose more than is

I keep pushing
against this world
that does not change
that will not learn

I keep pushing
against this world
and try to show it
and try to make it
understand

I try to move this world
I try to make it see

if it would only move
if it would only see
if I could only move this world

I try to push
I try to nudge
but it just goes on
and will not see

I try to move this world
but what I fear most
can I move me