In the fog ahead
I wait for me
knowing not when
nor who
will arrive

I step ahead
I step towards
I fall and falter
and remain in struggle

I learn
then forget
and pay in aching
then learn anew

With sometimes joy
from often suffering
I look ahead

I am there
waiting

It is a lonely walk
into tomorrow
to leave today behind
and know yesterdays no longer

It is a lonely walk
to leave behind
those as were known yesterday
including me

And it is not me that waits in tomorrow
not me of yesterday
or today
I do not know the me that waits there
I have not yet met that me

It is a lonely walk
and full of unknowing
for only what was can be surely known
And what decision can be surely made
but by deciding to try and test
and then to decide anew again

For it to remain now
and to grasp at before
seems sometimes easier
But the Universe will have it not

It comes tomorrow
and I step
It is a lonely walk

The fog
wherein all good is hid
Within which
all the becoming
is withheld from awareness
during now

Later
it is only later
it is only later
the fog is peered through

Later
only later
Not just what came of the fog
but why the fogs needs
and why the pain
this pain
this unrelenting pain

Only later
are the secrets told

How is it possible
to stand until later
when it remains now

How is it possible
to do now
to accept the later

The climb
the slip
falling back

What went wrong

In the moment
the best that could be known
was done

Yet the measure of the mountain
lies at its peak
and to the peak
forever I fall short
And by me and by others
it is judged I fall forever short
by that measure

In the moment
the best that could be known
was done

but to the peak
by me and by others
forever I fall short
by that measure

Why cannot be the best effort the measure
why the second guessing
why the attacks and critiques
From me as well as others

In the moment
the best that could be known
was done

Why measure the mountain
why do I keep the measure of the mountain
release me mountain
might I see the step
might I measure the effort
let me see the step taken

It is impossible
to imagine
a better place
ahead

It is impossible
to feel
these feelings will no longer be
ahead

It is impossible
it is…

and then a start is made
ahead
again
even knowing