The ends
always the ends
always some end
before

The end of young
before years of age
The end of relationship
before self known better
The end of dream
before steps in world as is

All these new things
they come
sometimes as imagined
sometimes as desired
and sometimes not

What is this circle
that begins in end
where I lose what came before
and set out anew as me
only not me that was
and go round again in circle
to begin again from end

Why must be so much end
to begin what waited to start
while still I long for parts of past

Now comes end
And so I begin

So much done today
in relation to what was before
to prove what was wrong with them
to prove what was right with me

The past must be known
to discern what direction
should be ahead

But when can I lay the past behind
and look to only what lays ahead
Where do I find the judgement of me
that depends not on the judgement of them

I cannot forget the past
for by remembering the was
I see how far ahead is the now

Still the past pulls
and demands it be settled
and then it demands again
because it is past
and can no longer here be settled

The past forms us
but can I let it go
The future calls
but can by only it I judge

To push from the one
To pull toward the other

I will run
I will flee
I will hide from
and deny

I will invert
and put off
I will talk out of
and think away from

What I must face
what I can not not face
stands and turns not
while I turn away

It will wait
and it might teach
and it might give back
as it even takes away

but I must first face
but I am not yet ready
and it will wait
but for I be readied

Here now
I remember
Surrounded by
what I recognize
When I can be
just me

But soon
forgetting
When surrounded by
what recognizes me not
When I am
another

What is needed
from without
to remember what really does
remain within

Why the within
subject to the without

I did not want to learn
the stakes were too high
there were the others who needed help
there were the things I had to fix
I wanted to do

I did not want to learn
what I needed I needed now
what I wanted would not wait
the hurt that hurt was too real
I wanted to do

The reluctant acknowledgment
the seeing the cycles
this is how it goes
I learn when I wanted to do
and do better for it next time
but

Next time
and the next times after
I will want to do
I will want to do for others
I will want to do for me
I will not want to learn

I choose that
but am given this
to reach
to learn
to grow from

I choose that
but am given this
to care for
to help
to be the place to make my difference

I choose that
but can see in this
much of the same kinds
but it’s not the same things
it’s not the same people

I still choose that
even having been given this
for there promises were made
but ones I could not yet keep

Stumbling through that
I learned better for this
but so much got hurt
while along the way

It’s been some time now
since I started doing this
with all that came from that
and all I keep working on in this

I keep an eye on that
in concern
And I wonder too
what was left there
still to learn

But I leave to others now
that which they do better
I work to keep doing
more better doing this

I try to accept all that
I’ve taken on all this
That is doing ok
This I’ve come to be good at

There is to choose
there is to do
I choose that
I have been given this

When is the seeing more clear
Is it in calm
when little is at challenge
Is it in distress
when wider is seen what is

Going along
the beliefs desired
are easier believed

Being stopped
to what I closed my eyes
can be hidden no longer

How much must I see
before I can act