Chapter 03 – Where To Turn A Conversation That Seeks To Understand


I am scared.

What are you scared about?

At the center is you.  The particular fear, the particular experience, and the meaning of these things, for you – center upon you.  There is a you that is focused in such a way that it becomes unhelpful.  Taken to extremes, such a focus can lose sight of the people and conditions which form the context of a life.  But to not see the filter through which the world is presented; to not come to understand the feelings and the interpretations that result from these experiences – to not see the you at the center is to miss where we must turn to seek understanding and to support growth and to find relief.  And so we ask again, more clearly now..

What are -you- scared about?

Many individuals, especially when badly hurt (whether the hurt is clearly remembered or not), come to believe a focus on self is somehow bad.  Perhaps it is sensed as selfish, or wrongly prideful.  But this is not what these things are.  Selfish and prideful are certain types of actions, they are not a matter of where to focus a search for understanding.  We are seeking understanding.  We are seeking understanding of you, your pain and your joy; your hopes and your disappointments; we are seeking to understand how it is you understand experience itself.  And we are doing so because seeing more clearly is a start of recognizing what is needed, is a start of finding what is needed, is a start of understanding who is this person, you, and learning what it is you deserve – a chance to craft a life of the things you need.

These things are most certainly done in the context of a world of other; and there are indeed many other.  The life you craft is most certainly done also within this context of a world made of many individuals.  But the work of you is done by the understanding and the capabilities of the you that perceives and the you that acts.  So in the work that is ahead, we return to where we must start, and in a sense remain.

We are introducing how to begin to understand.  We are using one particular question as an example, one particular experience, the experience of feeling fear, of being scared.  We are beginning to explore, we are beginning to learn how to seek understanding and how and where to find the support of your own self.

Let’s begin.

What are ==you== scared about.

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