I Will Battle Me

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Everywhere I turn
there I am waiting
to undo me

The world fights me
so do I
mind that wills its own
body that acts alone

I step forward
then it is I
who pushes back

I will battle this me
the one I insist
is to be the me that was
I will battle this me
for the sake of me
who struggles on

Again

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Again I fall
for this self I thought I knew
is not I that is now

The me I am
turned out to be
again
not the I
I want to be
The I I try so hard
to become

Another round
more learning
and another myself I meet for the first time
again

The cycle
it takes so much
to fall
to rise
to learn again

The cycle
is so hard

to fall
to rise
and wait to fall again

What Would I Have Me Do

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On the other side of now
now that it is then
afterwards
after the learning

I expect other people now
to know what I
when I was where they are now
could not know then

Looking out
I expect so much
of them
now

Now that it is afterwards
after the learning
I look back and see me then
and what I did not know then

I look out now and expect so much
of others
what then would I expect now
of me then
what would I have me do

The Tide

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There is a natural flow to things
a direction of gravity
a way things simply are

There is what is
whatever might be ought
whatever might be meant to be
There are just the tides

It matters in this world
to be what cannot be
to do what will never succeed
to swim against the tide

And it is hard
but matters not to be in anger
and not to strike back
and to hope too for comfort

There is a natural flow to things
a direction of gravity
a way things simply are
It is important to be otherwise
otherwise there will be nothing else

Choosing Between

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What might be seen
were I to open my eyes
What might be felt
were I to judge through unfiltered lens

The living is so hard
were it done honestly
The need of need so strong
and lie can serve so much

To see what is as is
and so find hardness
To retreat to self creation
and so find comfortable

This life of choosing
always between the two

A World Too Loud

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Somewhere in mind
in some effort of thought
what chance there is
to find a sense in this world

But the so much noise
impinges hard
I cannot hear myself
enough to think

I am driven
crashed along from noise to noise
from one moment of reaction
to the next

bashed and battered
by noise from without
by noise from within

how to think
in a world too loud

Ahead And Now

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The road holds before me
these things I seek
The things I will learn
to deal with and to grow from
what is ahead and now

I strive and struggle
I claw
and reach them

But in the moments I reach them
In the moments I learn
what was ahead and now
is now suddenly behind
The times in which was need
are times now gone past

So much work
so much effort
so much pain

What was worked for so hard
what was traveled for so long
what was finally learned
were for a time
I can but now look back to see

What is of time
that becomes of times no more
What is of me
that is the traveler through these times

Of all that needed
what can remain ahead
before it comes
already past

Things

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So many things I do
so many things not I
who does these things
I do

These things I do
to hide
to feel
to run
Sometimes to be

So many things
I do
and wonder
where
and wonder which

Which are the things
what still remains
where is I

What lies beneath
these things I do
why and which
and who am I

Reasons

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Some reason there must be
for all this suffered
must not there be

Do I suffer in emptiness
does the world for nothing
Must there not be meaning
must in the void not be some why

These moments have been
they shall continue
of suffering
and a life is made
and I wonder for a why

Through the moments remain
the choosing
and will continue
sometimes well
sometimes not

And a life is made

What reason can be given
or in the choosing
what reason can be made

Of All These I Wonder

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I have tried to run from self
I have tried to deaden self
I have tried
to hide my self

I have tried to know my self
that is the self know by others
that is the self known not to me

I have tried to be the self
that is the self
that is known but alone to me

I have tried to catch my self
to wait for self
to urge my self to be

I have tried to reach for self
and I have been most cruel to self
And I have yearned
to be a friend to self

Yet of all these I wonder
what have I learned of self