Or Do I See


all around is this world
so unknown to me
in which I have found
no place

from it
have I stood apart
thinking I saw
what is seen easily not

while always and constantly hearing
to fall between the lines
to see the same as do the rest
to abandon the clarity that remains to me

it changes not
this world around
nor does it change
the one I see

if the one remains
while it is the other I still see
which is it
and why is it I who ask
am I a fraud
or do I see



we are blinded by sight
and deadened by feel

in the moment we see
in the instant we touch
it is then we think we know
it is then we are misled

we see a life ahead
and the straight line
along which it lies

we feel a life imagined
and are convinced
these feelings will be

then when we live
this life that is
we find lines neither straight
nor feelings as expected

we are blinded by sight
and deadened by feel

while all the while
what is is waiting
to be seen
to be felt

A River Nearby


It is a river that flows
of all that was not
and all that was unseen
and all that might have been

It is a river that rages
and burns in my eyes
and screams in my head
and ever releases me not
from memories of all that will ever be lost

It is a river that grows
ever stronger
that sees ever clearer
all those things that but I could take back

There is a river that grows
and will grow every on
of all that was missed
until I would see
the other river nearby
of all that was learned
and all that was instead

In That Moment


love is soft
beauty is warm

the world is hard

at the start
there is but love
and the beautiful surrounds
then the world is met

in that moment
I am made

love is soft
beauty is warm
and the world is hard

a life goes on
if I will still love
if I will still see beauty
they are met still by this world

in that moment
I am made

still love is soft
and beauty warm
and the world so very hard

in time the struggles lessen not
and against this will I wonder hard
is soft still possible
is there any warmth still

in that moment

The Winds


It is so hard
to stand up
in the winds

they blow so hard
and so easily
do I stumble down

to stand up
in the winds
I made myself strong

and then
I could stand
and then
I did not fall

but when
does a strong
become a me
I am not

there is a strong
in opposing
that is loss
there is a weakness
in acceptance
that is remaining

how to remain
in the winds

There Is

(a spoken version is at the link below)

How do I judge myself
how do I find some sense
in all these things that happen
because of all these things I do

for though I do so try
for though this is the best I can
the rains they fall so hard
and the rains they do keep falling

I wonder if there is what I imagine
in an ahead that is not now
for these moments feel so hard
and feel so far not in control

yet of how to judge myself
is it what I do
and fail
or is it what I try
and struggle towards

there is who I am
there is who I was
there is who I am trying to be

[click here for spoken version]


(a spoken version is at the link below)

I am dreaming
of me not yet
and can only hope
that this dream is dream
of what is yet to be

for if it is not
then I am done
and the finish
shall not be reached
before the time has passed

and so fervently I cling
to this desperate hope
that this me I dream
be not dream at all

and so can I only
yet once again
take step
and the next
and the next
clinging tenaciously determined
with conviction
that dream will be made
that indeed there is yet still

[click here for spoken version]

Hope Is Hard

(a spoken version is at the link below)

hope is hard
the other is easy
I can know the one
but I will feel the other

I can know hope
and talk it into myself
I can believe hope
and accept the words of another

but hope is hard
because I feel the other
and hope is hard
because I know what I feel

I can know hope
but what I feel
when I feel the other
is so strong
is so loud
and makes it so hard to know

yet what I know
must live with what I feel
hope is hard

[click here for spoken version]

This That Is

(a spoken version is at the link below)

the world that is real
closes in
and closes down
upon me

the world that I believe
the is that I know
what I believe
surrenders to it
and can survive it not

have I not been told
one thousand times
it is not mine which is the real
and yet…

what I know
will not go away
to this convenient
this easy

but it is in this world
where goes on this ceaseless battle
between these two
and in the end
it can be not both

this other
would close in
and close down
upon me


between some reality of which I hear it spoken
and the world of which I know
I cannot but believe reality I see
I cannot but make it out
to be this that is

[click here for spoken version]


(a spoken version is at the link below)

it is never enough it seems
for my mind
which seems to be always turning
to the minds of others

Other minds
why is it always other minds
that know so much better
what for my mind is ok
that know if I am ok

Other minds
why is my mind
never as sure of my mind
of my self
until other minds agree

Other minds
to other minds it seems
is my mind always turning
always turning to others
to know what ought be
for me

what might my mind be
if it were enough
that the turning be
just a turning to me

[click here for spoken version]