we are blinded by sight
and deadened by feel
in the moment we see
in the instant we touch
it is then we think we know
it is then we are misled
we see a life ahead
and the straight line
along which it lies
we feel a life imagined
and are convinced
these feelings will be
then when we live
this life that is
we find lines neither straight
nor feelings as expected
we are blinded by sight
and deadened by feel
while all the while
what is is waiting
to be seen
to be felt
It is a river that flows
of all that was not
and all that was unseen
and all that might have been
It is a river that rages
and burns in my eyes
and screams in my head
and ever releases me not
from memories of all that will ever be lost
It is a river that grows
ever stronger
that sees ever clearer
all those things that but I could take back
There is a river that grows
and will grow every on
of all that was missed
until I would see
the other river nearby
of all that was learned
and all that was instead
love is soft
beauty is warm
the world is hard
at the start
there is but love
and the beautiful surrounds
then the world is met
in that moment
I am made
love is soft
beauty is warm
and the world is hard
a life goes on
if I will still love
if I will still see beauty
they are met still by this world
in that moment
I am made
still love is soft
and beauty warm
and the world so very hard
in time the struggles lessen not
and against this will I wonder hard
is soft still possible
is there any warmth still
in that moment
It is so hard
to stand up
in the winds
they blow so hard
and so easily
do I stumble down
to stand up
in the winds
I made myself strong
and then
I could stand
and then
I did not fall
but when
does a strong
become a me
I am not
there is a strong
in opposing
that is loss
there is a weakness
in acceptance
that is remaining
how to remain
in the winds
How do I judge myself
how do I find some sense
in all these things that happen
because of all these things I do
for though I do so try
for though this is the best I can
the rains they fall so hard
and the rains they do keep falling
I wonder if there is what I imagine
in an ahead that is not now
for these moments feel so hard
and feel so far not in control
yet of how to judge myself
is it what I do
and fail
or is it what I try
and struggle towards
there is who I am
there is who I was
there is who I am trying to be
I am dreaming
of me not yet
and can only hope
that this dream is dream
of what is yet to be
for if it is not
then I am done
and the finish
shall not be reached
before the time has passed
and so fervently I cling
to this desperate hope
that this me I dream
be not dream at all
and so can I only
yet once again
take step
and the next
and the next
clinging tenaciously determined
with conviction
that dream will be made
that indeed there is yet still
ahead
hope is hard
the other is easy
I can know the one
but I will feel the other
I can know hope
and talk it into myself
I can believe hope
and accept the words of another
but hope is hard
because I feel the other
and hope is hard
because I know what I feel
I can know hope
but what I feel
when I feel the other
is so strong
is so loud
and makes it so hard to know
yet what I know
must live with what I feel
hope is hard
the world that is real
closes in
and closes down
upon me
the world that I believe
the is that I know
what I believe
surrenders to it
and can survive it not
have I not been told
one thousand times
it is not mine which is the real
and yet…
what I know
will not go away
to this convenient
this easy
other
but it is in this world
where goes on this ceaseless battle
between these two
and in the end
it can be not both
this other
would close in
and close down
upon me
no
between some reality of which I hear it spoken
and the world of which I know
I cannot but believe reality I see
I cannot but make it out
to be this that is
it is never enough it seems
for my mind
which seems to be always turning
to the minds of others
Other minds
why is it always other minds
that know so much better
what for my mind is ok
that know if I am ok
Other minds
why is my mind
never as sure of my mind
of my self
until other minds agree
Other minds
to other minds it seems
is my mind always turning
always turning to others
to know what ought be
for me
what might my mind be
if it were enough
that the turning be
just a turning to me
this
this is it
the one
what I have been waiting for
who I have been waiting for
but something else
something else happened
something else is here
something else now in front of me
but I cannot see it
what I can see
is what was not
there is was not
there is might be
there is now
I see what I missed
but I miss what is
in front of me to see
to feel
I know so well
how much better
what was not would have been
I know so well
how much better
what might be
would be
I am convinced I do
but I do not
It is in front of me
what is now
It is in front of me
to see
to feel
It is now
and I am here
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